


When I Was A Young Boy

by zolitas



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, M/M, Misgendering, Trans Male Character, Trans Sam Wilson, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7899826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zolitas/pseuds/zolitas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is ten years old running through the boys clothing section in target. He spots a top with Captain America in a battle stance, staring right at him and his heart stutters with joy. Sam squeals with delight and runs to show his mama. She looks at him sternly and says<br/>"You ain't no little boy so you ain't gonna wear no boys clothes," before handing him a dress to try on. He doesn't like it, he hates dresses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Was A Young Boy

Sam is ten years old running through the boys clothing section in target. He spots a top with Captain America in a battle stance, staring right at him and his heart stutters with joy. Sam squeals with delight and runs to show his mama. She looks at him sternly and says "You ain't no little boy so you ain't gonna wear no boys clothes," before handing him a dress to try on. He doesn't like it, he hates dresses. 

Sam is thirteen years old coming home in tears when the girls at school tease him for having short hair. 

"What are you a dyke?" They yell, "Short hair is for boys, freak" He's the only "girl" in his class with short hair, all the others either have theirs relaxed, braided or have weaves. He doesn't understand why they act like that, its just hair. His mama sits him down on the couch and stares him straight in the eye. "Those little girls ain't got nothing on you baby, you're the most precious girl in the world." His heart tugs painfully at that, but he doesn't know why. 

Sam is fourteen years old when he gets his first crush on a guy. His name is Lamar and he's the star quarterback on the schools soccer team. Of course Sam is younger than him, but that doesn't stop the other girls in Sams class talk about him non stop. He doesn't join in which is weird, surely a "girl" talking about a cute boy should feel perfectly normal but for some reason he doesn't. It feels...... Almost foreign, alien. 

Sam is sixteen when he tells his big sister he's a boy. She doesn't say anything, just smothers him with hugs and kisses. 

"I've always wanted a little bro, you've made me so happy!" She laughs and he tries to push her off of him, his stomach aching from laughter. They sit in silence for a while, Sams head resting on Nildas shoulder. After a while Nilda stands and gets her bag. 

"Come on, we're going shopping. I ain't having my little bro looking like a mess, I have a reputation to uphold." 

Sam is seventeen when he tells his parents to start using he/him to refer to him as. They react pretty much how he expected. 

"God brought you into this life a girl baby, he doesn't make mistakes." His mama says. His papa is confused and angry. He starts yelling at Sam, telling him he's gonna start going to church or so god help him. 

"I haven't got to do shit! I didn't chose this, I didn't choose to be raised a fucking girl you chose it for me!" Sam yells, angry tears streaming down his face. It's unfair. He doesn't deserve this. 

Sam goes to bed fuming that night, glaring at his ceiling. He hears his parents fighting downstairs, he hears the disappointment and hate in their voices. His sister slips into his room and gets into bed with him and holds him close. She strokes his head and hums a lullaby his mama used to sing to him. He falls asleep listening to the steady beat of Nildas heart. 

Sam is eighteen and when his papa is killed trying to break up a neighbourhood fight. He breaks down in the school hallway when the police tell him. He remembers the last time he talked to him. His papa had handed him a 20 dollar bill.

"Go get some new trainers, I ain't having my son looking all messy in front of the people at my church." Sam nearly cries with happiness at his papa words, he was finally accepted. 

At his papas funeral he wears a black suit with his papas grey tie. Some of his relatives look at him in disgust and confusion, but he's with his mama and his sister and that's the only approval he needs. One of his nieces comes up after the service and stares at him accusingly. She stares at him with her bright brown eyes framed by silver glasses, chewing on a piece of her hair. 

"Do I start calling you uncle now?" Sam smiles at her with tears in her eyes. "That would be lovely Amyrah." 

Sam is twenty two when he enters his first relationship with a guy. It's cute and fluffy at first, just gentle kisses and handholding outside. When things start to get serious he tells Jordan he's not a girl. He doesn't expect for Jordan to leave him in the middle of a restaurant after telling him to never contact him again. He calls his mama crying when he gets home. 

"What kind of dumbass can't see the absolute prize my son is!" His mama exclaims down the phone, "Clearly he wasn't good enough for you baby." Sam smiles through his pain, he truly loves his mama. 

Sam is twenty five when he gets fired from his job. It's at a daycare centre in central Harlem. He loves it there, the atmosphere was so calming despite the children running around screaming. 

"I'm sorry." His boss states, "We just can't have anyone with your..... "lifestyle" around the children." Sam accepts it numbly, there's nothing he can do. He calls his sister that night and tells her he doesn't have enough to transition. He knows she can hear his silent sobs that he so desperately try's to keep hidden. It's unfair. Why him of all people? 

Sam is twenty seven when he decides to join the army. It's good money, money that can hopefully help him transition. His mama and sister try desperately to stop him. 

"Your mama didn't raise no damn fool boy, they ain't gonna let you be who you want to be in the army, baby." His mama says. Sam knows she's right, he knows what could happen but he needs to do this. 

"If you get beaten up, I'll beat your ass Sam." His sister threatens, but she's betrayed by her voice breaking. He hugs them both tightly, relishing in this moment. 

Sam is twenty eight when he meets Riley for the first time. He was chosen to take part in a special operation and Riley was his wingman. Sam and Riley hit it off instantly despite Sam being one of the only cafab people in the force. 

Nothing happens between them for a while, just friends hanging out in the middle of the Iraqi desert but it hits Sam out of no where one day. The sun hits Riley's face one day on a mission and Sam is left in awe at the mere sight. Riley laughs at the shocked feeling on Sams face and pulls into a nose dive to the sandy ground. 

Falling in love with Riley is slow but painless, like he's dreaming or floating on a cloud. 

Sam is twenty nine when Riley brings him outside of the compound to watch the sun set over the desert. It's a change he thinks from all the destruction and pain he's been faced with. He glances at Riley and gulps when he sees Riley watching him. The world around him seems to stop as Riley leans in to press his chapped lips against Sams own. When the kiss is over Sam rubs a hand over his face and chokes out 

"I'm not a girl Riley, I never have been and I should have told you before this happened." He gestured in between them. Sam turned away, expecting anger or insults but instead he is pulled into the warmth of Riley's body. 

"I don't care about that Sam, I like you not your gender." And Sam is leaning back in and they are kissing like it's their last chance. 

Sam is thirty when Riley gets shot down. It's like watching a horror film only there's no way to pause it or turn it off, you have to suffer in silence. Sam is frozen in place, watching the love of his life tumble to the ground. He can't do anything. It's like he's up there just to watch. 

The funeral is painful. It's like he's eighteen again, standing at the casket of his papa while his family sobs around him. But this time it's Riley's casket and Riley's family. Sams wearing a dress for the first time in years, he feels weird but what else can he do. His sister comes up to him and rests her hands on his shoulder. 

"Come on baby bro, let's get you a drink." 

Sam is thirty one when he finally begins to transition. His tours are over and he has no obligation to anyone. His mama and his sister are there for him throughout it all, reminding him how proud his papa and Riley would be of him. Sam still jumps at loud noises and wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, but he doesn't tell his mama or sister that. 

Sam is thirty two when he meets Steve Rogers for the first time. At first, he doesn't realise who it is. Just another muscular white guy passing him on his morning run. But then Steve passes him again and again and he honestly can't believe this is happening to him. The "dead superhero man" he was lusting over for most of his teenage life was right in front of him in his adonis-like glory. 

When Sam watches Steve laugh for the first time in a long time, Sam doesn't think about Riley. 

He helps Steve Fucking Rogers bring down hydra and s.h.i.e.l.d in one day. He's not sure why he got himself into this but he knows as soon as he tells his mama and sister they'll yell at him for getting involved with another "no good self righteous white boy." But Steve needs him and for some reason he wants to help, wants to make him happy. 

Sam is thirty three when he realises he's in love with Steve. With Riley it was slow and painless but with Steve it was fast and unexpected. 

They're in the avengers compound watching Marley and Me. When Steve hides his face in Sams shoulder when Marley dies his heart clenches painfully in his chest. He swears silently. He was in love with Steve. Not Captain America, Steve. Steve who can't go outside without helping at least one old lady across the road. Steve whose favourite ice cream flavour is mint chocolate chip even though everyone else hates it. Steve who thinks he can be subtle when trying to draw Sam without him noticing and blushing like a fire engine when he does. 

Sam is fucked. 

Sam is thirty four when he tells Steve he's trans. It's after the entire shitstorm with Tony, after Steve rescues him from the ship. Sams tired and hurting but when Steve comes through the door he leaps to his feet, a wide smile on his face. Despite his complaints Steve carries him back to the hellecarrier and sets him down on one of the benches. 

"You're a real life saver, Rogers." Hawkeye chuckles from his seat, stroking Wandas hair as she curls against him sleepily. 

Steve and Sam are the only two left awake. Steve has Sam hugged tightly to his chest and whispers how sorry he is, how he should have never let this happen. It's out of Sam before he can help it. 

"Steve, I'm trans." He's met with this silence, and he cringes in the midst of it. 

"I... Thank you for telling me, Sam, that must have taken a lot of courage." Steve says finally after what seemed like ages. Sam doesn't reply just traces his fingers up and down Steves arm, admiring the veins on his bicep. Steve grips him tighter. 

Sam finally falls asleep but not before he hears Steve whisper "I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> I would die for Sam Wilson.  
> 


End file.
